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[September 9th 2009|11.16pm] |
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as emo as it sounds - maybe i'm just not meant to be with anyone
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[May 16th 2009|11.04pm] |
So sorry, somehow the picture didn't post..
my bad!
its not the best =[
once again...twitter! SCREAMmydarling on twitter!
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[May 15th 2009|12.03pm] |
HELLO ALL!!!!!!!
i never go online anymore. anything that i can access easily on my iPhone is what i use now so thats pretty much facebook and now a new addition - TWITTER.
add me if youd like.i'm a nosy bastard that wants to knwo whats going on in everyoe's life
SCREAMmydarling @ twitteerrrr
hope evryone is doing well sorry for the typos. using my moms really small laptop and having long nails is a bad combination
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| an update! |
[February 24th 2009|10.48am] |
hello all
it's been a helluva long time since i've last updated
i'm doing well
not really sure where i ended my last entry
i'm done with the 32 year old graphic designer, just not the right guy for me
after i had ended things with him he sent me a long email telling me he'd wait and all this junk\
it was sweet but..no thanks
bear was supposed to be here this weekend past but had troubles at the border
he had been sent away (military) within the past 6 months and canada considered that country to be disease ridden
whoo-hoo!
so they required him to have papers to prove that he didnt have any communicable diseases
he drove ALL teh way from IA to Detroit only to be sent back =[
that's a huge shame and we were both looking forward to it
he called me yesterday which was a reallllly nice surprise
2nd time he's called me now
when we talk it's normally thru the chat room or playing vids on ps3 as we hook up our bluetooth mics to it
work is going well
not much to report on that
i shoudl be getting ready for work ...toodles!
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[January 13th 2009|1.21am] |
HELLO MY PRETTIES
Happy New Year to each and everyone of you.
I have much to report on
a)Sitch with Bear =]
b)Sitch with Dave....
I guess I shall start with A.
Bear is an absolute sweetheart. I'm totally falling for him and falling hard. I can't wait until i meet him next month. Now we are not too sure as of which weekend he's going to be coming here. Either the 2nd last or the last weekend of Feb. He'd be here for my birthday if he comes on the last weekend of Feb, BUT the problem is I already took the weekend of 19-22 off and the schedule has already been made. I am waiting for that to be given to us and then I'm going to BEG BEG BEG the girls at work to switch days with me. So Bear and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that if things work out when he's here we're gonna try and make things work. My friend Anna says I've got a look when I talk about him or think about him. Apparently my whole demeanor changes with the mention of his name =] He's mentioned stuff that makes me think that he wants it to be a long term thing and I'm totally fine with that. I have faith that things'll work out cuz I've seen two girls at work going thru the long distance thing and it's going strong for both of them. He says the most absolute sweetest things - I've never felt this strongly about someone before. =]
Now Dave on the other hand...well..i don't know how to break it off with him without being mean. He's being really affectionate and all that which is cool - if i like him that way..but i don't!
My iPhone has finally been jailbroken. My friend Elvis helped me out tonight after work and i love it. I can have everything customized to MY liking and not to what Apple restricts me to.
My store has been selected to host the unveiling for the new Hello Kitty line. So those in the GTA - we are having the unveiling on Feb 3, which is a Tuesday from 7pm-9pm. It shall be awesome-o. So call us if you want to be guestlisted for it 416 296 9503
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[December 25th 2008|7.07pm] |
Merry Christmas my lovelies. Happy Holidays and all things fuzzy!
Currently at my brother's place, stuffed to the max with food. I am now experiencing what is known as the "itis"
Just a little update on my situation with the boy from COD, otherwise known as "bear". It has pretty much been decided that he will be coming here Feb 19 to the 22th. I AM SO EXCITED!! I feel like i'm starting to like him more and more as we talk everyday. some of the guys on PS3 already tease me about always making us wait to make sure that we are all in the same party. Then some random guy we both added asked if we were a couple. How hilarious is that?!
On another note, one of the girls from work decided to hook me up with a friend of hers. He's 32, graphic designer and a REALLY REALLy nice GUY! He called me on the 21st, we talked for hours until my phone died and decided to go out for dinner the next day. Dinner went really well, it was awkward at first but then again that's how all first dates are. Walked over to starbucks afterwards for coffee and he ended up driving me back to my car as i had to subway and streetcar it downtown. The weather was pretty bad that day.
So him and I are hanging out again tomorrow after I'm done work. I shall be hectic as it's boxing day (the equivalent of Black Friday). Not sure what we are going to do, but I have a feeling hes really interested in me. As for how i feel, i'm not sure. I like Bear but he's so far away...whereas Dave's local. He's doing well in his career, and i can see that he's a really good guy. Total boyfriend material for sure.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!
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| on |
[December 12th 2008|10.10pm] |
i have new hair..BUT i think my hairdresser left the bleach in for too long
it stung like hell at first and i couldn't take it anymore
i think i have blisters at the back of my head...its like leaking and its annoying as hell!
its pretty much only ONE spot
called her up and asked her about it, she says itll go away in a couple of days
i am never bleaching my whole head ever again!
its been 4 months since the break up, he had just recently tried to talk with me couple days ago. i ended up telling him off told him that the bridges have been burned and to not contact me
is it cheesy that i'm attracted to one of the guys that i play call of duty with?! sad thing is that he's all the way in iowa...
i ended up asking him how he felt about me as we talk everyday! he likes me back so i'm quite happy about that. but at the end of the day...could anything even happen between him and i?! im really not sure what to think of the situation. i mean two of my girlfriends at work are literally importing their boyfriends into the country! one is in sweden - they met here, and the other is from...the dominican or somewhere close. i forgot. they are looking to sponsor them into the country and live together. if anything were to happen between bear and i - i've nicknamed him bear - i don't know how things would work. im not financially stable to move out and he'd had to find a job here cuz i dont want to move away from toronto just yet. there has been talks about him taking a mini vacation here in toronto in the early next year so that should prove to be interesting. i guess we'll have to see if there is any physical chemistry.
i've seen his pictures on facebook and he's totally NOT my type as he's more of the typical all around american guy. his personality totally won me over though
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[November 1st 2008|11.29pm] |
i just paid 1000 bucks deposit for a toyota celica!
my long and stressful search for a celica has finally ended!
if things pan out i shall be getting my car on monday. whut whut!
ps, i did a girl's makeup at the store yesterday for halloween and she looked amazing!
i wish i could post pictures here but i didn't really ask her for permission to post the pictures
those of you who have facebook. check out my portfolio...zombie chick is in there!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2153758&l=6f8b3&id=172002987
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[September 17th 2008|10.23am] |
i'm back again
it's been probably 2-3 weeks since i ended things with pat. I haven't kept track to be honest
the more i try not to think about him and how big of an ass he is, the more i think of him
on random days he'd send me a text wishing me a good day, he even had the audacity to send me on the day that would've been our 1 1/2 years together. stupid prick
let me take the time to fill you in on how things panned out for the worse with him
may of 08, i noticed that he was starting to get a little distant
i addressed that with him only to have him suggest a break
what a huge blow to my face!
i personally do not believe in breaks - you are either together or you're not, no ifs ands or buts
what did i do? i went against what i believed in because i wanted things to work out with pat and agreed to a break
he asked if i loved him - i hadn't told him anything before that but i admited to him that i did
so i opened myself up, made myself completely vulnerable to get another slap in the face
"i don't know how i feel for you"
if you have a sneaking suspicion that someone loves you but you dont know how you feel, DONT ASK OR SAY IT
i endured that pain of knowing that after a year of being with someone youstill dont know how you feel..fine... whatever
the next day he calls me up "there are some things i need to tell you in person"
i see him two days after the fight
the first thing that comes out of his mouth?
"i love you"
i didn't even feel happy, warm and giddy inside. i didnt feel anything
why? months prior he had told me that in previous relationships he's told prior gfs that he loved them because they asked and needed to be told that. he never meant it.
i never in my life had asked him if he did.
but when i heard taht i felt that he felt obligated to say it
how did he realize taht he supposedly loved me?
"josh said 'you don't stay with someone for that long unless you love them"
that's apparantly ALL he needed to hear to realize it...
things just got progressively worse
no more random texts messages, no more random phone calls, he no longer asked to see me nor made plans to
then he went away to europe
all i got were 2 phone calls - both i had missed as i was working, and a couple of emails
they were pretty impersonal as well
i think at this point i knew deep inside that there was nothing left to salvage between us
he got back, same shit
that lack of communication on his part, EVERYTHING a strong relationship should have, we've lost
god knows i've tried my very best to make it work
the real kicker was when he met a random girl at work - he's some type of technician for a cable company so he goes to random houses to fix it. they apparently talked for a couple of minutes and he was asked for his number. what would a real man in a relationship do? kindly deny the request, explain that he's in a relationship, he's flattered and out the door he goes.
not in this case, he gladly gives it away
they apparently met on the friday
i didn't know about her until a day or two after the fact
she didn't even know that he had a girlfriend until she asked him while they talked on the phone
that knife in my heart was twisting around now..
the complete disregard for my feelings, the lack of respect really hurt me
i would never do such a thing to my significant other
maybe its the common sense that he lacks, maybe he's just selfish i stilll don't know
i had to resort to looking at the texts on his cell and confronted him
i was called a witch for doing what i did
i dont regret what i did, i had to do it becasue at this point i couldn'ttrust him anymore
he called her up shortly after and cancelled their plans to meet that day
sidenote - him and i were supposed to hang out on sunday, he wanted ot cut our plans short to see her afterwards..
she apparnetly then later messageed him aasking if him and i would like to meet up with her the following wednesday for drinks at jack astors
i declined, i didn't want to see her nor did i want HIM to see her
wed comes along - i was invited to hang out with friends from uni so i went and invited pat
he declined , he was giong to chill with his friend stephan
cool, whatever
i go to pay my bill, my mastercar\ds not there!
i quickly call pat to see if maybe it had slipped out of my wallet and into his car
he didnt pick up
calls me back minutes after
"hey i'm sorry i missed your call. i was in the washroom"
oh, ok. where are you? it's reallly loud?
"yea i'm at jack astors"
you went to see her didn't you
"no, i just went for drinks with stephan"
do i need to continue?
he clearly went to see her
i wanted to talk abotu it but he said to talk about it tomorrow
fine and talk we did the next day
i ended up breaking up with him on the thursday
i couldn't deal with him anymore
he was like a completely different person
cold and rude
as he drops me off at my place he says "this doens't feel right. i'll call you next friday and see how you're doing"
yea sure, he's not putting hope into me. i'm thinking maybe he'll realize wahts goign on, maybe we'll get back together. [yes i'm stupid, i know]
my new iphone ends up calling him while i was on my way to a freelance. i guess he didnt pick up as he later sends me a text telling me he's in ottawa and will call me when he's back in toronto
i told him not to bother as i didnt call
one thing lead to another, he tells me i'm an importnant person and how its not easy on him to have lost me
blah blah blah
"you do mean alot to me i just dont agree with being with that sort of exclusive relationship. i dont htink you would be happy with me being in an open relationship. i dont want to hurt anyone and i dont want to ask you for permission for anything. i love you and that wont chane i just dont be in love with you. this just works"
how would you react?
i dont think i need to go into detail abotu that..
i put everything in a box and asked him to come to get it
no dice
coupel days later i called him and asked to bring it
he finally agreed
he was cold during the exchange, worse than i've ever imagined
i got to see his true colours then
i miss the little girl that lives with his dad, dad's gf and him
i went upstairs to give her a hug to tellher i wasn't going to come back anymore
i ended up cracking and started the waterworks again, this time infront of her
i don't cry over this anymore
theres no point
i miss the old him, the pat that i knew in the past
i miss the companionship
for a year and a half my heart was in the right place
but his wasnt
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[August 30th 2008|11.28am] |
guess who's updating their livejournal on their new and spiffy iPhone!!!
This week has been absolute hell for me. I broke up with pat 2 days ago and am heartbroken. As much as I love him, I had to let go as I no longer am getting the treatment I deserve.
Not only that, I have lost my credit card and whoever it is already spent $900 in which I am nor liable for.
My wireless provider decided to cancel my iphone order 1 month after I had ordered it. I had to resort to yelling at the guy on the phone about theirhorrible service. Damn bastards.
Should I unlock my phone?
Will this week get any worse??
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| Comeback Entry #1 |
[July 23rd 2008|1.08pm] |
I think I will try and make a conscience effort to update my livejournal once again.
I recently spoke with one of my oldest friends - literally a sister from the womb - inspired me to write about my thoughts once again where I could always look back and relive those memories through the written word.
Rewind back to about a year ago, Ellen and I hung out to catch up on life. I trusted her with some of my deepest and darkest secrets that not alot of friends know about. Told her and warned her about the mistakes I had made, the regret I had felt afterwards, all the consequences and how I was the prime example for her NOT to follow. I knew that she had taken it to heart, and was proud to know. We went our ways for another year, rarely catching up due to the different schedules and how far apart we lived from each other. Two days ago, my mother and I were invited to a BBQ in celebration of Ellen's mom's birthday.
We caught up on things and my heart broke. Everything that had happened to ME that I had warned her about had happened to Ellen. It was like a spot-on rehash of a painful period of my life pushed upon her. From what not to do, the dumb mistakes I made to the telltale signs and the hurt. She experienced it ALL. Not only that, but she was aired out on Xanga in a very painful way. She's a strong young woman, and I love her for that. I've decided to become closer friends with her, and be there for her if she needs the support. I had no one to speak with that knew my pain, so I want to be there for her when she needs it.
We're all only human but we learn our lessons in brutal ways. Does it always need to be this way?
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My adventure to gaining a healthier and lean physique is on it's way. Slowly but surely, complete with the aches, pains and injuries one is sure to endure on the journey. I have finally popped my injury virginity from Muay Thai. For those that don't remember, I had recently starting going to Muay Thai classes (Thai Kickboxing - VERY vicious sport!) at a mixed martial arts gym. Ultimate Martial Arts is now going to be my new home for a very long period of time. I went to my 4th class in the evening yesterday, taught by an instructor I haven't had yet. He's AWESOME!! I was working on my right swing kicks to the point where I had to stop in fear I'd hurt myself even more. While kicking you need to swing the entire body to get enough momentum and force to get a nice strong kick. One needs to pivot on balls of the other foot as well. I kept doing it to the point where I had developed a huge blister on the bottom of my left big toe filled with blood. Mmm..shmexy, yes? As painful as it sounds, it was fine! Dan picked me up after the gym, we went for dinner and he dropped me off at my place for a bit where I could shower and pop the blister. Fun times. I'm fine now, it's covered with a bandage and it doesn't hurt. Can't wait to get back to the gym soon. I've been told to wear socks for now, just in case I develope more rug burn on my blister. My Muay Thai initiation has finally come.
Work is going well, I've created a couple of facecharts that I have brought home to scan and post up. It shall be up soon.
Hope everyone is doing well, I will try my best to catch up on everyone's journals, rants, and life adventures.
Cheers,
Daphne T
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[June 29th 2004|1.24am] |
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